As I talked about earlier, there was a phase where I would straighten my hair so I could be "pretty" in other people's eyes. But for the last couple years, I've hated compliments. I always say its because I don't know how to actually take a compliment - I don't know what to say and I just get really awkward. But the real truth is, I never know if it's genuine.
On multiple occasions, I've had someone tell me I'm pretty or that I'm smart. Which when I was younger that was completely fine, I loved hearing that. But then it started to get paired with the phrase "for a black girl" - so they'd say "you're smart for a black girl" or "you're pretty for a black girl" - stating that the compliment was conditional. It depended on the fact that it was only true because I was black.
Getting back to where I am now, when hear any sort of compliment, it automatically pairs with what I was so used to hearing, they're only saying that because of the color of my skin.
I've heard this back handed compliment given to other people of color as well. This is another thing where when they add the "for a black girl" at the end of a compliment, it's hard to tell intention. In a way, yes it's offensive. But those that don't understand how it comes off may seem to think that it's just a normal compliment - they believe that they're praising us for being "better" than what they are used to or expected.
So use this to your advantage - compliment people of color in a normal way. Don't add an stipulation or condition to the compliment you're giving. If you think they're pretty or smart or anything like that, just say that. Nothing else needs to be added.
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