One of my posts earlier talked about my dad's fear of me and my siblings claiming our black sides, and how it was safer if we didn't. My mom also wanted us to claim our white side, but she had more reasoning behind it. Yes, she thought it was safer for us, but a part of her would also take offense if we claimed being Black, rejecting our white side in a way,
Growing up, most of the stuff that was done for us was from our mom. My dad was still present and everything, but it was mainly my mom doing things (that part is hard to explain, you just had to be there). With everything she did for us, and how little my dad would do, she would be stretched super thin.
When it came down to race, me and my siblings would pretty much always say that we were black. It was too much to explain that we were biracial, and forms used to only allow one option. Black was the only one we could check without getting questioned about it.
It was never something I had thought of until talking with my sister. She was the one that pointed out to me how it made our mom feel. When we would say that we were black, it was as if we were rejecting our white, and in turn rejecting her.
Everything she did for us was being swept under the rug in her eyes. We were denying a part of her that she had given us and it hurt her. I can understand why she would feel that way. It's hard to capture my entire childhood to explain where she's coming from, but her feelings were definitely valid.
With all of that, it's easy to see why walking the line of being biracial is hard. Both parents want us to claim our white side as much as we can. But society thinks the complete opposite. The fact of the matter is I am just as much white as I am Black. I have just as much as my mom as I do my dad. And hurting my mom by claiming my black side is the last thing I wanna do.
But I can't reject my black side either.
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